I understand that your Mother has had enough of you being inside of her and has had the Doctor issue you an ultimatum. Surrender and come out on your own no later than 7 am Wednesday March 12, 2014, or they’re going to have you evicted. Now, I’m not a lawyer, but I don’t think they should be able to force you to leave the comforts of your home. You’re a lady. It takes time for you to get ready. You know there are a lot of people here ready to meet you, and you are trying to get make sure that everything is set for your big arrival. I mean, if they’re willing to do that to you now, while you are so very young, what are they going to do as you get older and begin to show even more defiance?
I can see it now. They tell you to eat your Brussels Sprouts and you turn up that pretty little nose of yours. Are they going to kick you out of the house then like they’re threatening to do now? I want you to know you can always call Grandpa. I’ll never turn you away for not eating your brussels sprouts. Heck, I hereby promise I won’t even let those stinky things in the house!
Or when they’re trying to potty train you and you have a small eeeensie little accident. Will they issue another ultimatum to you then? Again, you should know you can always call Grandpa. I’ll come rescue you from those mean tyrants that make you call them Mom and Dad.
And of course when they forget to put the right amount of parmassen cheese on your sweet little spaghetti-O’s and you dump the bowl on the floor like any good true little girl would. Are they going to drive you to the nearest fire station and toss you out of the car? Leave you there with perfect strangers crying while they drive away? Just ask the nice firemen to call Grandpa Boltz. We’ll not only pick up more spaghetti-o’s on the way home, but I’ll pick up an extra bottle or two of parmassen cheese along with the cookies, ice cream and pudding.
What about when you start riding your bike and you go further than your mean Mommy can see. Will she take your precious set of wheels and new found freedom away from you like the true dictator shes become? What’s a beautiful young lady to do? You guessed it – call Grandpa. I live at the end of that street and have a long driveway that you can ride in and I even have a bike that I’ll ride with you on longer rides.
You will always be at the center of my heart…. and you can call me anytime you need to be rescued. Just don’t tell Grandma Plaintiff about all the candy and ice cream that I let you eat….
Eagerly awaiting your arrival,