Why do you refuse to say my name? Does your Mommy tell you evil lies about me? Don’t believe her honey! I know beyond a doubt that she lies.
I never once put down a path of candy from the living room, down the hall, out the front door, down the walkway to the center of the road. Honestly. I would never try to entice her to play in the road. She tried to do that often enough on her own. She didn’t need any encouragement from me. I swear I never did that. Not once.
Did she tell you about the time that I tried to overdose her on Benadryl? I don’t know where she gets the nerve to make up these evil stories about me. I would never of given her anything that could of hurt her. Not only that, but I can read the instructions on the box ….
So why is it that you refuse to say my name? Has your evil Mommy been plotting with Grandma Plaintiff? Does she say my name and spank you so that you learn to associate “Grandpa” with being punished instead of the fun and games that are actually packed in almost every Grandpa out there? I bet that’s it…. Why else would you begin saying “Grandma” and “Nana” in the same weekend, but still not say “Grandpa”? What evil lies has Mommy Dearest been spreading about me to prevent you from wanting to scream out my name in joy?
My heart jumps two beats each time I hear you say “Grand”, only to stop beating for a few seconds when finish the pronunciation of the one word that drives me nuts to hear you say “Grandma” … I come close to meeting my maker when you do this with your little hands stretched out begging to be picked up, running past me to that evil Grandma Plaintiff.
Now that I think about it, maybe your Mommy Dearest isn’t the only one I should be worried about. Maybe she’s working with Grandma Plaintiff to even the score from her youth…. I do recall hearing her cackle in the background and seeing that evil smirk on her face as she picks you up and receives that single hug from you that makes all the pain and suffering of raising your evil mother seem to be oh so worth it.
Has Grandma Plaintiff put a spell on you that prevents you from saying my name? I should of realized something was going on when she insisted on having all of the “girls” here for Nana’s birthday. OH MY GOD! She called the full coven together and I didn’t realize it! The Horror! How can I break a spell cast by Grandma Plaintiff, the evil Aunts and sanctioned by Nana herself? I don’t know if I’ll ever find a way…
How about you just call me Opa?