Dearest Darling Charlie,
I’ve missed you a lot lately and am glad that I finally got to spend some time with you! You’re an amazing girl and you do amazing dives into the pool!!!
I heard from your Duckie, The Evil Aunt of South Wisconsin, and would like to share the messages with you here for all the world to see…
This is how it went..
Duckie: How do I get poop out of the carpet asking for a friend.
Duckie: Also how do you get poop out of the babies mouth still asking for a friend
Grandpa: Same answer for both – PRESSURE WASHER
Grandpa: Does your friend need to borrow one? They’re also very good for removing lice.
Duckie: This kid just bit me.
Duckie: I’m returning him.
Duckie: I’ve had enough.
Grandpa: And you thought he hurt coming out!
Narrator: Grandpa is apparently a very smart man who thinks of how a child would be returned….
Duckie: He seriously ate shit tonight.
Duckie: The cutest shit eater there ever was.
Narrator: Apparently Auntie Duckie has been a judge at shit eating contests as she is certain that her little shit eater is the cutest in all the land… Mirror Mirror on the Wall, who’s the cutest shit eater of all?
Grandpa: Did he like it? Think of all the money you’ll save as he gets older! Feed him every other day, and let him fend for himself on the other day!
Narrator: The Wise and Intelligent Grandpa Boltz is always looking for ways to help his beloved children save money…
Duckie: Oh God
Duckie: It all makes sense now
Grandpa: He can get summer jobs at the waste treatment plant, or cleaning out port-a-johns!
Duckie: Oh dear Lord
Duckie: I love you
Narrator: What’s not to love about Grandpa Boltz? Come on, it’s not like he’s that evil woman Grandma Plaintiff!
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